SPARE PIXELS

It was bloody typical.

While news channels flashed grim pictures of climate change and protesters on the march, politicians argued over plans and promises, all the while the Earth was being infected by something else. Something primal and very powerful, but entirely different. In uniquely human fashion, in the midst of life-changing difficulty, societal chaos, and a completely reordered sense of space and time, this peculiar essence multiplied, seeping outwards and touching everyone as it spread. 

As intangible as a disease, it affected strangers, networks, and culture day after day, alongside the one causing distress and death. A bad taste of indulgence in the middle of such a brutal situation.

But here she was, going after it all the same. Folding into the reality that had taken over. She adjusted her mask to sit squarely on her nose again and lifted her chin skyward. The wind atop the bluff rushed through her clothes, taking streams of black smog with it from the impenetrable surface above. A nightmare that swirled and breathed, enclosing the entire planet. The light was cut off from them and the world had been plunged into darkness.  Even on the highest of peaks, it remained in perpetual gloom.  

Her GPS beeped, she grabbed the three spikes and ran. From the prediction, she had just four minutes to get there. She pushed her muscles harder. The time lately was becoming shorter and the distance longer. The photovoltaic cell on her back bounced and dug into her spine. She swerved around outcroppings of rocks and boulders she could barely make out but had memorized, counting her position as she ran. Just a little bit further. Her eyes set skyward. There! The smog was beginning to thin and the patch of swirling dust became a lighter patch of brown, barely noticeable among the sea of darkness. 

She ripped the cell off her back and set it up on the ground, triangulating the angle of the dish. Her fingers fumbled with the ampules, slotting them into the base. She flipped the switches, all the time glancing above. The GPS beeped once more and for a moment a small patch of light beamed down onto the dish. Finally.

She waited for four hours to leave the safety of the rocks nearest to the forest. Skirters would either have given up waiting or moved on to find another scavenger.  The branches of dead trees mingled with the furls of smog above, creating a mirage. She heaved the cell a little higher and edged out, placing her steps carefully.  Without the wind inside the treeline, the silence became deafening. She headed in, picking her way forward as the darkness became even thicker. She could barely make out the shapes of tree trunks in front of her, the brown mist swirled across the outside of her mask, tantalisingly toxic.

She heard the inhale of breath a second before the full-grown body smashed into her, sending her to the ground, she fell awkwardly on top of the cell and pain screamed through her shoulder. Pulling the knife from her boot she angled it upwards as he blindly fell on top of her. The metallic scent of blood cut through the earthy must. His saliva flicked onto the front of her mask as he grunted, still attempting to overcome her. The old filter wasn’t strong enough and the putrid rank of his filthy exterior crawled over her. Her mask was foggy but she could tell his heavy breathing was beginning to slow. She didn’t wait for it to stop.

When the addiction takes hold, so does the desperation. A ferality that left nothing sacred. There wasn’t much left to do then, you did what you had to and didn’t think about it after. People called it glimmer addiction.

Compounded hubris was all that was left of what was once living, creating a thick mulch covering the forest floor that grew thicker the further she went deeper into the forest. She made the rest of the journey without any hindrance. The skirters were growing fewer in number, if they couldn’t get what they needed it left them few choices that didn’t end in the dead pit. A deep dugout behind the village where those whose names were not known or had been willingly forgotten were taken. Some even went before their due, and just waited. Sometimes their faceless forms swaying on the edge of the pit came to her in her dreams.

The houses on the outskirts of the village had been boarded up or were in a state of decay, withering back into the earth. There were no lights, no sign of life until she grew nearer its centre, deep in the hub of all the brokenness. A dull glow seeped through the murk toward her. A half-hearted greeting that grew weaker every time she returned. 

Stalls were awkwardly clustered together, where they used to line the streets but now were forced on top of one another, clawing for the light. Trying to make the most of what little the string of bulbs above provided to them. She weaved her way through, conversations were quiet, mumbled words that belonged to people whose own needs were their only priority. She felt every eye on her back, both calculated and hopeful.  

Shapeless faces huddled together around smoldering fire pits, spitting in protest as they tried to digest the foreign material fed to them. The bitter smoke that caught at the back of her throat but the stamp of living was comforting. Societal norms had crumbled quickly at the first hurdle only to try and piece themselves back together again. What was formed was broken and ugly but the human ego was stubbornly protective of its own ignorance so it still felt like home.

The world once worried that too many self-proclaimed authorities were self-serving purveyors of puffery and nonsense. So we prodded, probed and questioned every bit of received information. We asked for reasons, evidence and argument. But even when it was presented to us by unquestionable sources of intelligence our blind stubbornness refused to accept such a change to our realities. There would be another way, they’d find something, someone will come up with an idea, it won’t happen. Only, it did. When world governments and national leaders waged various kinds of war upon the living world, with the presumption of impunity, why should we have been surprised when chaos ensued?

She kept her head down, avoiding the clouded eyes that strayed in her direction. She approached a tent in the midst of the stalls, dimly lit from within and protected by a tall solemn figure guarding its entrance. She nodded silently at him and he swept the flap across. The small space inside was stacked with all kinds of electrical equipment that had long been unusable. Wires and batteries lay in small piles across the floor as they were tested and sorted accordingly. 

A small figure in a patchwork of cardigans hunched over on a chair glanced up at her entrance. Through her mask her wrinkled eyes creased and widened in surprise at the sight of her. Her visits has become less and less frequent. 

‘Trade?’ her voice croaked with the strain of breathing the smog for so many years.

‘Trade’ she confirmed.

She bid her closer. She swung down her cell and opened it up to reveal four small ampules. Only three had been filled. She pulled out two and held them out. 

Wrinkled hands took them and inspected their contents, she released a weary sigh and shuffled about, retrieving empty replacements which she handed to her. She shook her head silently. Then she set about her payment, tearing off food stamps and plucking batteries from a small box, which she handed over. She put them in her sling and waved farewell to her.

Next to the tent, a grill smoked something edible with fresh steam to thicken the air around it. She offered one token and it was flipped to sizzle on the other side. She felt the inside of her cheeks salivate while her stomach tightened with anticipation. He tonged and stabbed it through the middle with a metal rod before handing it over to her. She blew on the skewered meat, it was safer to consume here under the watchful eyes of the peacekeepers than to seek just the solace of your own company for dinner.

She made her way through it quickly and her body signed in relief at the sudden nourishment, however much her taste buds protested. She rounded the the food pit to another stall where she handed over another token in exchange for a large tank of water. 

The tank was heavy, causing her to lean to one side to balance herself out. A small row of houses stood at the end of the square next to their fallen kin. They didn’t much resemble houses now. In an attempt to keep the smog out their exteriors became a patchwork of metal scraps and wooden boards. She pushed the front door open and closed it quickly behind her, ducking through sheets of tattered plastic. She entered darkness, but her feet knew the way up the stairs, avoiding the broken step and then around to the left at the top. At the end of the corridor, she placed the tank down gently, avoiding making as much noise as possible, and unlocked her door. Inside was cold and uninviting but she exhaled a sigh of relief.  

The candles ran out years ago so they’d found a way of melting down plastic and mixing it with chemicals to create a surrogate. She carefully lit one and it unwillingly puckered into life, bringing the shapes within the room into focus. She kicked off her boots and set about putting everything she’d carried in its rightful place. 

Finally, she removed her mask and took her first breath of musty air, it was tinged with the acidic aftertaste and the decay of life. It felt good to have it off, a sea sense of normality reclaimed. She retrieved the last ampule and lay down on her bed, her aching body relaxing into the bow of the mattress gratefully. Inside the small vial the golden liquid glistened as it caught the glow of the candlelight.

She pushed the days events out of her mind and allowed it to clear, focusing on her breathing while rotating the apple through her fingers, it emitted a warmth that was barely perceivable. With her other hand, she retrieved the injector from under her pillow, slotted the ampule into place, and pressed it against the inside of her elbow where her flesh appeared soft and innocent. She closed her eyes and let go let go of the days struggles, of the fear, of everything that drove her, even of the future. 

It all slipped away through her skin and into the murk, replaced by a rising warmth that sighed through her whole body. Light blossomed behind her eyes and her breath caught as she was enveloped in its kiss.

It was a beautiful day.